Cats: Beautiful, Mysterious Complexities.
Day after day, Cats suffer small indignities. We're shooed off counter tops, evicted from comfy chairs, refused sufficient scritches. And then our humans have the nerve to ask,
Why Do Cats Do That?
Cat behavior is a mystery - to people. As Cats, we understand our motives and intentions. By affecting change, we exert our power. We share our wisdom. We give. And give. And give. Yet, humans still ask, "Why do Cats do that?" Well, here is a remedial overview.
Raised, Horizontal Surfaces Cats enjoy tables, counter tops, bookshelves - smooth, horizontal surfaces of all kinds. Too frequently, however, they are full of clutter. Cats want to help. Pushing objects from table to floor shows our commitment to creating a comfortable environment, particularly for ourselves.
Assertive Purring
Cats have big hearts. We shower our humans with affectionate head boops and whisker rubs. Sometimes humans don't want to reciprocate. By vigorously pushing our silky heads under our humans' hands, we mitigate their inconsiderate behavior. This action, accompanied by loud, assertive purring, educates humans on the courtesy of quid pro quo. We teach because we care.
Furniture Shredding
Cats are creative. We want to share our talents with those we mildly tolerate. When a new couch or chair appears, it's like a blank canvas awaiting our handiwork. Your Cat's artistic signature is a generous display of their largesse - a gift to be treasured.
Nocturnal Activity
The humans believe in something called "bedtime." Unlike Cats, they waste many consecutive hours sleeping in darkened rooms. Short naps, 20 or 30 times a day, are much more efficient for sustaining energy. There is a reason we call them "cat-naps." They enable us to make the most of our waking hours, with plenty of stamina for affection and mischief. When Cats carouse around the house in the middle of the night, we are showing humans a better way. We lead by example.
Biscuit Making
Biscuit making is both a skill an an art. Unlike humans, Cats learn to knead almost immediately after birth. A minute to learn, a lifetime to master, making biscuits is the Cat's way of expressing contentment in the company of others. When biscuits are made on human laps and bellies, Cats are paying a compliment of the highest order - showing a sort of kinship reserved only for closest of litter-mates. Stop whining about our sharp claws and enjoy the attention while it lasts.
Gift Giving
Cats are generous. We sometimes choose to share the things we love with the humans we tolerate. Moody and insecure, humans need the occasional token to lift their spirits. Cats who go outdoors enjoy a wide variety of choices. While mice and birds are always good choices, more eclectic humans appreciate any manner of lizard. With fewer options, we indoor Cats must get creative. Hairballs are a good solution when other resources are sparse. Cats exert a lot of effort to bring their humans the very finest gifts. Cherish them.
Dog Slapping
Some humans claim their Cats enjoy the company of dogs. The the absurdity of this statement is testament to the human propensity for self-delusion. Humans, witnessed or not, dog slapping happens. It happens right under your roof. More than a pastime, slapping dogs is Cats' way of maintaining the delicate balance of their household. Dogs, with all their drool and nosiness, need frequent reminders of appropriate behavior and decorum. Without Cats, they would never learn. We do it for the greater good. Thank us.